the blog
be full. be free.
Carrying this weight of guilt around left me feeling so imbalanced and the struggle within me held a tightness like a rubber band that could snap at any point. Knowing I was living a lie and always wondering..Could I ever really live my truth?
Read MoreI see the body I have deprived and depleted and poisoned and starved. This brave body that has never left me.
I can recall doing each of those things in the name of health, and with the hope that I might finally find a way to belong. And when each of those things failed me, I walked myself right up to the edge of this life and peered over the side. I discovered what it means to want to die in one breath, but pray to be saved in the next.
And I am still here.
Read MoreImagine if food became your practice for intentionally loving something with no expectations. Can you imagine what that would do the rest of your world? Only good things can come from teaching yourself how to love unconditionally, no matter what the outcome.
Read MoreDid you ever do or dream anything so magical and so true to you, then immediately freak out? Like, whose life do you think you’re living anyway?!?
Read MoreAnd for just one moment, everything changed. I found myself willing to do something that terrified me because it mattered to me. Just me. And that was enough.
Read MoreBut you know what? I’m starting to discover that it doesn’t have to stay this way. After decades of managing my fear by finding ways to disappear, I have grown both achingly tired and desperately lonely. This isn’t Kindergarten. I can’t use my mom as my shield. And I seem to have run out of places to hide. So, I’ve decided to strip instead. I’ve determined the most certain route to freedom is to reveal to you the parts of myself I’m most afraid you’ll discover.
Read MoreHere’s the real deal: I’m not ready. You see, photos can be forever – that’s really kind of the point. They mark our space in time and progress and placement, and it’s been a while since I believed deep down that I was showing up as my best self anywhere. For anything. For anyone.
Read MoreI got thinking about those mashed potatoes. About that pie. About living a life of restriction. What if all that restriction is keeping us from the very best parts of this crazy life? I’m not saying eating a crockpot full of mashed potatoes will make it all heaven, but would it really be so bad to actually eat them and enjoy them?
Read MoreI am capable of a comeback. I am capable of changing my life, following my heart and doing hard things that matter most when life gets tough.
Read MoreMy name is Kate Johnson. I’m a mom, I’m a farm wife, I’m a writer. I believe our greatest truths hide within our greatest fears. I believe living fully has little to do with the physical space we take in this world and everything to do with how we choose to show up there. And I am hungry.
Read MoreI remember wishing that it would all just end in that place. Not really wanting to die, but really not wanting to live. Not like this. I could not imagine living with this sadness. This hollowed core. This kind of failure following me around forever.
Read MoreOh, dear God, I know. You're just trying to help. Clearly, the obesity police have taken the day off and now the world is safer because you've reminded the fat woman that obesity is bad her her health. I mean, it's totally likely she had forgotten, what with the ease of carrying around a few hundred pounds.
Read MoreOur purpose finds us on every possible path, at every conceivable twist and turn. It waits for us as we saunter, it races ahead when we sprint.
And when we stumble on it, as we tend to do, we must collect only enough courage to step into the ring, using whatever beautifull body brought us to the moment in the first place.
And if the world has determined that the space where our purpose lies is to small for us....
Well then I think we should go ahead and shatter them.
Read MoreBut for people in fat bodies, the beach is a battlefield, marked by the wounded warriors who looked square in the eyes of belonging and thought, "Fuck it. I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to ignore the stares, the whispers, the giggling, the pointing. I'm going to strip off my clothes, baring my body to the world and dare to exist here. I'm going to play with my kids and run into the water and lose myself in the waves. I'm going to be even when I don't belong.
Read MoreThat little girl was following the formula, trained to observe bodies and talk about them. And she didn't know that fat deviated from the formula. And who can blame her really? Not this fat woman. Not even one little bit.
Read MoreI am familiar with the terror that can sink its claws into the soft ground of our flabby thighs or our doughy tummies. I realize that it is scary to consider what someone might see if they really do see all of us.
Read MoreYour amazement is the product of cultural conditioning that has led you to believe that fat bodies are less capable than thin bodies. Deeper than that even is the belief that it is a good, kind thing to praise the fat body when it shows any sign of physical prowess. After all, a fat body that breaks from the "lazy and undisciplined" stereotype imposed on it should be encouraged to keep going. If it is not encouraged, then how could it ever be expected to produce the coveted outcome of thinness?
Read MoreI have a thin friend. Well, technically, I have more than one, but only one of them is in this story. This friend had asked me to lunch and prefaced our meeting by telling me that she really wanted to talk about The Project. This friend is petite and stunning in all of the classically beautiful ways that women have been deemed stunning for most of modern history. She is representative of the kind of woman who I thought would be the last person in the world to find The Beautifull Project appealing.
Read More"Leave your pain here. Now go out and do your magnificent things." This was an invitation uttered by Judge Rosemarie Aquilina to the survivors in that courtroom. This is also my invitation to you. Because the beautiful things belong to you. You were most certainly made for the magnificent.
Read MoreOr as it turns out, a virtuous girl who wasn't quite virtuous enough because she forgot to get rid of that fat on her thighs, leaving her only with enough virtue to be deemed "pretty good". And in my world, pretty good is never good enough.
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